Ray Harryhausen (1920-2013)

From Mighty Joe Young to the original Clash of the Titans, Harryhausen layed the groundwork for  stop motion that has been a stable in films, still even appearing today in Henry Sellick or Tim Burton puppet movies.  Perhaps his greatest acomplishment was Jason and the Argonaughts (Harryhausen considered this his best work as well).  Without Ray, films such as the Evil Dead movies would never have been.  He will be missed.

Madison County (2011) - Review

Madison County (2011).  Starring Matt Mercer, Natalie Scheetz and Nick Principe as "Hog Mask Killer."

One and a half stars.

SPOILERS

The tagline should have read, "There's no bridges in this one."

Yes, I do mean "hog mask killer."  The film makers were apparently trying to pattern this guy after Farmer Vincent, sans the dark humor that comes along with turning John Ratzenburger into smoked jerky treats.  You know it's bad when you look at the poster for a new horror film and think, "Gee.  Seven or eight years ago, I would've thought this was a movie that looks like it's badass.  My how times have changed!"

Still, this movie did start off with potential.  After a wham-bam beginning were a girl is brutally beaten and abducted, the audience is introduced to the slasher bait straight out the gate.  This includes slutty girl and nerd photographer guy (both people are an item), well manicured bad-boy who is pissed off at nerd photographer for bebopping his slutty sister and the love interest for the male lead.  I mean, let's face it.  Outside the hero of the film and "hog mask killer,"  there's no incentive whatsoever to remember the names of this people.  I'm not even motivated to try to look their names up on IDMb for reference. It's that obvious that these people are intended to be machete fodder.

The main protagonist is a guy named James, who writes for the school newspaper where the happy gang is spending their seven-year stint as liberal arts majors.  He is contacted by an author named David Randall, who has written a controversial novel about "hog mask killer," who had been murdering people for a couple of decades (much to the ignorance of law enforcement).  Hungry for a juicy story, James drags his friends along for backup.

The quintet arrives somewhere in Bumfuck, Arkansas, where they run afoul of the locals at a cafe.  No one seems to acknowledge the existence of "hog mask killer." A kindly, yet sinister old waitress proceeds to explain the situation, claiming he was an invention of local native David Randall.  After well-manicured bad-boy gets in an argument with some inbred goober over nerd photographer taking a picture of his truck, it's agreed that leaving and heading to David's residence is the best policy.  This turn of events is enough to make the viewer wonder, "Are the townsfolk somehow involved with this shady affair?"  Duh.

After arriving at Randall's cabin, "hog mask killer" begins picking off the college students.  The most memorable of the kills is when well-manicured bad-boy is lured off by two hillbilly cuties skinny dipping in the creek, during which he is shishkabobbed and thrown into the water.   Other than that it's standard slasher fare.  The movie comes to a head when James is kidnapped by David Randall, who shows up out of nowhere in the last thirty minutes of the film.  When James comes to, he finds himself chained in a barn with Randall and the girl from the beginning of the film (who turns out to be Randall's daughter).  Apparently, Randall's endeavor to publish the story of the rural murders has spurned the locals, causing his daughter to become the villain's captive.  In a move that makes absolutely no sense, Randall is forced to lure outsiders to the community as tribute.  I mean, why wouldn't they have just killed Randall and his daughter?  Furthermore, why didn't Randall just get ahold of outside authorities in the first place, instead of writing a goddamned book?  Once the survivors escape, the audience is shown scenes that foreshadow what is inevitably a sequel.  Oh yeah, we get one more shock twist at the very end, but it's so asinine that I can't bring myself to discuss it.

I think what irritated me the most about this movie is that the first half gives the viewer the impression that it's a fairly competent movie.  For being shot on a $70,000 budget, the cinematography is excellent.  On a side note, the acting from the leads really wasn't too shabby for first timers.  The problem is that either the filmmakers wrote themselves into a corner, they didn't have the finances they needed or they were simply too uninspired to take this slasher in a new direction.  I know it's harsh to levy such criticism at noobies, but let's look at the past.  When people like Tobe Hooper or Wes Craven broke onto the scene, they opened new ground (Hooper hadn't even been to film school).  While it's true that there are very few stones left unturned in the slasher sub-genre  that doesn't mean that you can't create a product with more intrigue.  I have always said that I love a good rip-off, just long as it does something entertaining or at least interesting.  But Madison County ,while not a completely horrible film, just loses the viewer the moment the college students run afoul of the rednecks.

Excision (2012) - Review

Excision (2012).  Starring AnnaLynne McCord, Ariel Winter and Traci Lords.

Three and a half stars.

SPOILERS

Excision really should have been a four star film on this site.  It has to be one of the most original horror films I've seen since the early 1990s.  Truth be told, the ending was on the verge of being one of the better finales as well.  But then, it ends so abrupt that you feel like you just got a case of whiplash from the Heart Flip ride at the county fair.

But there are so many good things to say about this film.  90210 eye candy AnnaLynne McCord plays Pauline, a teenage outcast harboring a morbid obsession with anatomy and physiology.  And she doesn't play the stereotypical "ugly pretty girl" either.  McCord does one of the most successful dress-down jobs of anyone I have even seen in this type of role,  right down to the uglifying acne that she sports on her face.  And there's more:  Pauline has a vivid imagination, spending most of her time hallucinating psycho sexual fantasies that involve dismemberment.  It's safe to say she's a sick cookie.

The only person close to her is her sister Grace (played by Modern Family's Ariel Winter).  Grace is perpetually defending her sister against other teenagers, despite the fact that Pauline is vicious in her own right.  The ultimate dillemma for Pauline, however, is that Grace is dying of cystic fibrosis.  Pauline takes it upon herself to save her sister from certain doom, which takes the viewer on the proverbial roller coaster ride of emotion.

Excision has a Helluva supporting cast, including ex-porn star Traci Lords as the uptight mother that keeps sending Pauline to cotillion lessons, Roger Bart as the father, director John Waters as the shrink that tries to assess Pauline's problems.  Others included Marlee Matlin, Ray Wise, and of course, Malcolm McDowell.

But I still don't know what to think of the ending.  It's either one of the best conceived endings ever or just another movie that couldn't figure what direction to take, so one was hastily thrown on at the end.  In any event, HIR gives this film a "Viewer's Choice" recommendation, even if you can't stomach it more than once.

I Spit On Your Grave (2010) - Review

I Spit On Your Grave (2010).  Starring Sarah Butler, Jeff Branson and Rodney Eastman.

Three Stars.

I want to start this review with a couple of points.  For starters, my first review of 2013 was to be Evil Dead 2013.  Upon watching the film opening day, I have decided to hold off until I watch the unrated version.  This way, I feel I can properly assess the pros and cons, along with comparisons to the older movies.

Secondly (with all due respect to Joe Bob Briggs), this movie is a thousand times better than the original.  I know, many consider it to be treading on sacred ground.  The story here is the same as the original:  a young female writer is subject to an ultra violent sexual assault by a bunch of rednecks. In turn, she dispenses vengeance to each of the hooligans.   The thing is, I have never appreciated the following of the original.  Not because of the subject matter or sexual assault displayed on the screen (mind you, I found it revolting).  I think Spit '78 is a painfully dull film that has nothing but shock value going for it, with no discernible batting order when it comes to how justice is administered to the film's antagonists.  Aside from the rape scenes (which I really have never been able to stomach in the movies), Spit '10 has a satisfying second half.  I credit this to the much more systematic, less cartoonish retribution delivered to the deviants by the new Jennifer Hill (Sarah Butler).

What also packs a Helluva punch with this film is the performances by the main villains   Jeffrey Branson's reprisal of the harmonica playing, gas station attendant turned rapist is spot on.  Chad Lindbergh as Matthew, the mentally challenged member of the group, shines in his role that is eerily similar to the one he played in Black Circle Boys (1997).  It's also good to see veteran 80s B-movie actors Rodney Eastman and Tracy Walters turn in stellar performances.

I do not, however, recommend this film to casual viewers.  In fact, I question the decision by anyone to really watch this film past a couple of viewings.  Be sure to keep watching for Spit #2 in 2013, apparently because the movie going public can't get enough of rape movies.  Just ask Rob Zombie.

Backwoods (2008) - Review - 08-13-12

Backwoods (2008). Starring Ryan Merriman, Dannie Nucci and Haylie Duff.

One and a half stars.

It's The Hills Have Eyes meets Wrong Turn meets Red State in this film about a Jonestown-esque cult of inbreds somewhere in non-nondescript Appalachia, who are capturing and murdering tourists, save for the women that are used for "breeding new cult members." Some of these colorful people include the leader (who poses as a park ranger), Mother Ruth (the raw-boned grandmother of the inbreds) and Josiah, a giant brute actively seeking she who will accept his seed. The film opens with the group terrorizing a couple, killing the man and carrying off the woman for procreation. Interestingly, the audience is shown a missing poster for the man minutes later, crediting his character as "Todd Alan Smithee." I guess his character didn't want to be fully credited in the film.

Anyway, a couple of months go by, and the cult finds new targets, as a group of business executive come to the location to stage a "Battle Royale" paintball tournament, in order to learn cutthroat business strategies. They're led by this tool who really reminds you of these office bosses that say shit like "touch base" or "think outside the box." So it's no surprise when the religious fanatics quickly prey upon these people. Towards the end, a few of the executives attempt to escape, with the FBI descending on the area to clean the freaks from their underground layer.

Despite the scathing description, this film had plenty of promise. However, it's bogged down by bad camera work and atrocious acting. This little direct-to-video flick is worth a watch if there's absolutely nothing left at Family Video or if you're killing time by watching YouTube. Otherwise, this film should be discarded into the cesspool of your friendly local hog confinement.