L.T. Quinn's Horror in Review

Mom (1991) - Review - 10/07/11

2011-10-07T05:06:00.000-07:00

Mom (1991). Starring Brion James, Mark Thomas Miller, and Jeanne Bates as "Mom."

Three Stars.

SPOILERS

While dozens of horror films had been made on the subject of cannibalism (i.e. Jungle Holocaust, Cannibal Ferox), very few have ever truly captured the nauseating essence of what makes the topic taboo. One movie that accomplished this is the 1989 film, Parents. In that picture, Randy Quaid plays a man-eating 1950s dad, whose son is still in denial that he has been raised on human flesh. However, Parents had the fortune of being released at a time when little controversy was in the news regarding the film.

The film Mom shows a partial influence from Parents. However, the film is more akin to a dark horror film rather than comedy. The plot revolves around the transformation of a sweet old lady into a ravenous monster. Further, Mom suffered from poor timing, as it was withdrawn from video stores for several months due to the emergence of the Jeffrey Dahmer story.

Emily Dwyer (Jeanne Bates), is a Beverly Clever type woman, neglected by her daughter but taken care of by her son Clay (Mark Thomas Miller). However, Emily's trusting nature leads her to take on a dangerous lodger named Nestor (played by the late Brion James). During a dinner mishap, Nestor reveals his existence as a demonic-flesh eating ghoul and transmits his condition to Emily. After Clay discovers Nestor’s dealings with his mother, he kills the psychopath. It is too late for Emily though, because she’s already running around the neighborhood, turning homeless people into goulash and burying body parts in the back yard. Pretty soon, Clay realizes his mother is out of control and must save his pregnant wife from the madness.

Because of its obscurity, Mom will likely remain so without a DVD/Blu-Ray or digital release for sometime. While the title was briefly available through Netflix’s streaming content, the title will most likely be found on the rare VHS tapes, bootlegs or bit torrents throughout the internet. Once you see this film, it’s easy to see why it was pulled from shelves after the discoveries in Milwaukee. Overall, this is a solid horror film, but the content may render repeat viewings too hard to stomach for less than abnormal viewers.

The Blob (1988) - Review - 10-05-11

2011-10-05T21:58:00.000-07:00

The Blob (1988). Starring Kevin Dillon, Shawnee Smith and three thousand gallons of slime as the Blob.

Three stars.

(SPOILERS)

In the recent onslaught of wretched horror remakes, it's hard to believe that this practice was, at one time, palatable. Why do I say this, you ask?

Because back in the 1980s, horror

remakes were as abound as they are today. Only these remakes were of a higher caliber than the current mass produced Hollywood films from studios like Platinum Dunes or Dimension. These movies were legitimate attempts to better older films. This is as opposed to the money making/factory approach seen with remakes like 2009’s Friday the 13th, or New Line Cinema’s new takes on The Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise, which serve to cash in on established labels. The ultimate 80s remake that quickly comes to mind for horror fans is usually The Thing, but there were plenty of other reduxes as well. For instance, The Rejuvenator with Vivian Lanko (a remake of The Wasp Woman) is an excellent example of these re-envisionings that surfaced during the decade of Michael, Reagan, and Madonna.

A great example of a horror update is the Chuck Russell’s remake of the 1958 film, The Blob, with Steve McQueen. This time, actor Kevin Dillon (Entourage) is filling in for Steven McQueen's badboy-juvenile delinquent role. Saw veteran and co-star of Becker, Shawnee Smith, makes an early appearance as the bimbo love interest.

However, the true star of this picture is the Blob. The giant maroon jello monster from the first film is replaced by rapidly growing bacteria that held the appearance of liquid bubble gum and cattle afterbirth. This thing literally looks like vomit from when you were kid and you had the flu, took some Pepto-Bismol, but chucked it up with some extra-chunky chicken soup. This updated ooze monster is definitely more intimidating than the one from the 1958 original. The creature really begins to shine in the last 30 minutes of the film, when it releases itself from the sewers of the town and begins to feed on the residents.

While the creature spreads as bacteria from what appears to be a meteor (like the original film), the creature is actually a product of germ warfare. The main protagonist, Brian Flagg (Dillon) discovers this secret after investigating the crash site, only to discover U.S. Federal agents in HAZMAT suits recovering the item. This is a decent updated element of the story, although it really adds nothing to the story in the long run. Like the original, the remake establishes that the creature is also largely affected by the cold (which brings about its downfall). This leads up to the ending, which was obviously a setup for a sequel. Regrettably, a follow up to this film never transpired, which is a shame considering the original film had a horrible follow up that was directed by Larry Hagman of Dallas fame.

This remake owes much to the success of John Carpenter’s The Thing, but at the end of the day stands on its own. 1988’s The Blob is a worthy of belonging in any great horror collection and is currently found on a barebones DVD release. While many collectors would find issue with this, it is presented in 1:85:1 anamorphic ratio for 16x9 televisions. This will probably have to do, as a Blu-Ray release is not likely in the near future.

Blood and Chocolate - Review - 02-07-11

2011-02-07T10:41:00.000-08:00

Blood and Chocolate (2007). Starring Agnes Bruckner, Olivier Martinez, and Hugh Dancy.

One Star.

Before the goddamned Twilight movies came out, a previous attempt to cater to the romantic needs of the goth/emo scene came to fruition in an equally abysmal film. Only this film failed to become the enigma that Stephanie Meyer's novels have grown to be. Which is strange, considering how similar the origins of both stories are similar, in that, they're based on ridiculously juvenile teen-fiction books.

What's even more strange is the fact that this film takes place in Romania, while the book was set in the FUCKING UNITED STATES! Why such a deviation? The only link to this in the original story line is that the main character,Vivian (Agnes Bruckner), was born in the United States to Romanian parents. Vivian also works for her aunt in Romania as a pastry baker. Because she inadvertently cause the death of her parents. It becomes a love drama, due to the age old story of boy meets girl, girl can't be with boy because she's a lycanthrope promised to the Alpha wolf of her pack type story. The lead wolf, Gabriel (Oliver Martinez), hops from she-bitch to she-bitch, all while keeping Vivian for his fall-back bride. Unfortunately, Vivian gets the hots for this American douche named Aiden (Hugh Dancy). Aiden is a graphic novel author (laugh), who has to covertly send his finished manuscipts to his agent. This is due to the fact that his crazed Vietnam-vet dad is trying to locate his ass to administer to deliver a super beating to his comic writing ass (probably because Zack Snyder is wanting to adapt one of his books). This development angers Gabriel, who presumably read his knock-off book, 300.1.

In addition, all of this insanity is set against the backdrop of murders being committed around Bucharest. The killings are being committed by Vivian's Rico Suave-cousin, who's mad because Vivian won't engage in an Arkansas-Family-Sex-Romp with him. That's the story. The only saving grace of this film is that it succeeded where the Twilight movies didn't - it failed to attract an audience.

IF YOU SEE THIS AT THE VIDEO STORE, AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

The Night of the Grizzly (1966) - Review - 02-06-11

2011-02-06T22:35:00.000-08:00

The Night of the Grizzly (1966). Starring Clint Walker, Jack Elam and Nancy Kulp.

Three stars.

SPOILERS

This is really a killer animal flick disguised as a western. Clint Walker, famous for the 1950s series Cheyenne, shines in this film he made in the latter years of his career. Here, Walker shines as former marshal turned rancher Jim Cole. Cole quits the lawman business in order to move his family to Wyoming and go into cattle ranching. Along the way, they make friends with an ornery tramp Hank (Jack Elam) and feisty old maid shop keeper Willhemeina (The Beverly Hillbillies' Nancy Kulp). Unfortunately, Cole ends up with his enemies as well, being evil banker Jed Curry (Keenan Wynn) and ex-friend/bounty hunter Cass Dowdy (played by long-time western badguy Leo Gordon).

However, the main villain of the piece is not a person, but an animal. In particular, the animal mentioned in the title - a grizzly. Aptly named Satan, the bear tear-asses around the local range, killing humans and cattle alike. The situation comes to a head when Satan kills all of Big Jim's beef. When Jim is forced to borrow money from Curry to buy more cattle, he is forced into a desperate situation where he must produce money or lose his ranch. His only choice is to kill Satan for the posted bounty. This pits him against Dowdy, who is plotting Cole's demise among with Curry. The film climaxes, when Cole is up against Dowdy and the bear simultaneously.

This film was a staple of Ted Turner programming in the late 80s/early 90s on TBS and TNT. Unfortunately, the film has faded into obscurity over the last fifteen years. The obvious influence this film had on killer animal films (such as William Girdler's Grizzly) makes this film a must for diehard horror fans that appreciate the roots of 1970s horror. The sad part is that, as of 2011, this film has yet to see a DVD release. Regardless, seeking out a VHS or bootleg DVD-R copy of this film is well worth the money, as Night of the Grizzly also serves as decent entertainment for family movie night. That is, despite the random violence that permeates this G-rated film.

Hitcher in the Dark (1989) - Review - 11-26-10

2010-11-26T21:30:00.000-08:00

Hitcher in the Dark (1989). Starring Joe Balogh, Josie Bissett, and Jason Saucier.

Half a Star.

SPOILERS

Want more Umberto Lenzi?

Here we have a another piece of shit that was found clinging to the tail end of an Etruscan dungheap located near Director Lenzi's home . Fresh off the heels of Welcome to Spring Break, Umberto Lenzi decided to make another film that was again

set against the backdrop of spring break in southern Florida. This times, the plot (or lack thereof) revolves around this douchebag named Mark. Mark is a richboy/psychopath who apparently goes around various spring break beaches, looking for women to kidnap and rape while pretending they are his deported Russian mother. How Mark's fetish came to be is never completely clear, but it obviously had to do with his father. The backstory of this character could easily be the inspiration for many songs performed by the band Staind.

So naturally, you would think this is the kind of madman who would pick up chicks with a Ferrari or some hotshit car like that. This would seem logical, considering that he is RICH. But no, this fucking douchebag is riding around in a Winnebago that looks like it belongs to Eddie from Christmas Vacation. Moving right along, he targets some bimbo who is "dancing" in front of a late 1980s biker-mullet fest.

And that is something I never understood. Many of these sleazy films from the 1980s would always have a really hot chick with the nastiest, skankiest bikers portrayed on celluloid. I know people claim the whole bad boy thing, but come on? These guys are in their 40s and have bellies that look like third trimester pregnancies.

Somehow, he lucks upon said chica walking down the road. Whereas the next scenes would normally be 1970s porn fodder, we instead see this incredibly stupid blond get on a RV with the creepy guy. He subsequently drugs her. Throughout the rest of the film, the viewer is forced to watch Mark rape and degrade this woman. There's a pointless subplot, where the girl's boyfriend is hunting down the Winnebago, only to get brutally murdered in the end by Mark. Watching this film is equatable to catching a genital wart getting caught in the zipper of a fly. Only watch if you are a true masochist.

Welcome to Spring Break (1988) - Review - 11-26-10

2010-11-26T20:44:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Spring Break (1988). Starring John Saxon, Michael Parks, and Lance Legault as Reverend Bates.

One Star.

SPOILERS

Umberto Lenzi or Harry Kirkpatrick?

Those out there in Internet land are probably wondering, "Why am I picking on the revered Mr. Lenzi? Don't you appreciate the artistic merit derived from his works?" I rank Umberto Lenzi's works with likes of Ruggero Deodato, Lucio Fulci, and Bruno Mattei - on the bottom of a pit under an outhouse. This movie differs drastically from the usual 2-D fair that I have come to expect from Italian directors like Lenzi. Umberto's work in Welcome to Spring Break (aka Nightmare Beach) has a strangely American feel to it, yet it still manages to be as big of a piece of shit as most of his films. This notion is solidified by the fact that Lenzi is credited under the name of Harry Kirkpatrick. But he isn't fooling anybody, especially not the man writing the words in front of you.

The "plot" is it were revolves around an helmet wearing maniac on a bike that is killing people on Spring Break at Virginia Beach, Florida. His method of execution - he electrocutes his victims with some strange device mounted on his Harley Davidson Electra-glide. This leads police chief Strycher (John Saxon) and local doctor Willet (Michael Parks) to believe that the killer is a thought-dead scumbag biker who had been executed days earlier.

However, it turns out that the culprit is a batshit preacher named Bates (played by usual military-badguy Lance Legault), who is murdering spring break goers for sinning against God. The situation heats up when a meathead football player named Skip comes forward to investigate the disappearance of his friend. Amidst being hassled by Strycher, who has covered up the killing of his friend by the maniac, Skip and his bimbo love interest are eventually pursued by the killer. Upon discovering the identity of the madman and subsequently dispatching him, the two double-digit IQ heroes ride off into the sunset in Skip's Chrysler LeBaron. So much for happy endings.

I can't elaborate enough on how horrible this film stands out. Despite some of the decent production values, the bad plot, erratic pacing, and less-than-substandard acting makes this film a cross between watching paint dry and having your fingernails ripped off at the same time.

The thing that kept bugging about this film is that I couldn't remember where I had seen it before. My memory was jogged after reading several Internet forums about this film. This film was a regular on the USA Network's show Up All Night with Gilbert Godfried. These skin teaser spring break films were a staple of Godfried's programming lineup in the late 80s/early 90s. It was almost as if Lenzi had made this film specifically to air on USA. Avoid this film at all costs.

Halloween 6: The Producer's Cut (1995) - Review - 10-18-10

2010-10-17T23:15:00.000-07:00

Halloween 6: The Producer's Cut (1988). Starring Paul Rudd, Marianne Hagan, and and Donald Pleasence as Dr. Sam Loomis.

Two Stars.

SPOILERS

So, how do you (the reader) like my image to the right? I stole that from some scalping bastard on iOffer, who happens to be one of the many people that charge money for the stupid alternate version bootleg of Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. I could understand if this so called "Producer's Cut" was a revealing triumph equal to the international version of Leon: The Professional. However, this version offers nothing to make it better than the initial theatrical release.

That said, I really don't mind this movie (either version). People have bitched for years about the Halloween movies revolving around Jamie Lloyd. For those of you who have not seen these later films, Jamie Lloyd was the daughter of Laurie Strode, the main protagonist and forgotten sibling of series boogeyman, Michael Myers. According to the canon of these films, Strode died sometime before Halloween 4, leaving behind Jamie (it's implied that Jamie's father may have died too, but not conclusively). Over the course of Halloween 4 & 5, a bizarre turn of events unfolds, centering around a strange psychic link between Jamie (played in these films by Danielle Harris) and Uncle Mike. This is all in between Myers wreaking havoc on the town and attempting to kill Jamie in the process. In 5, we're given a glimpse of an unknown aspect of the story. Many shots of the film show a strange runic tattoo on Michael Myer's wrist. Later in the film, a man clad in black with silver tipped cowboy boots, bearing the same symbol on his wrist. Towards the end of the film, this strange gentleman breaks Big Mike out of jail, only to leave fans hanging for 6 years.

After that period, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers was released, with lackluster results. While it turned a profit, it had become apparent that the Jamie Lloyd storyline had lost interest with fans. This would result in the complete departure from 4,5, & 6 in Halloween H20, ignoring previous sequels altogether. 6 was plagued with problems from the beginning. Further complicating the situation was the death of veteran Donald Pleasence before the release. The straw that broke the camel's back, however, was the test screening required at the behest of Dimension Pictures.

And these films had never been subject to test audiences before. Part of the reason why the series remained in limbo before 6 was due to lawsuits against producer Moustapha Akkad and a bidding war between independent releasing companies New Line Cinema and Dimension Films. However, being produced by a bigger company meant test screenings. After negative response from 14-year-olds who were largely unfamiliar with the previous movies, director Joe Chappelle (no relation to Dave) re-shot additional footage and completed a different version that would become the theatrical print. However, the original version, known as the Producer's Cut, emerged almost immediately after, being traded at conventions.

These prints of the Producer's Cut are atrocious. Furthermore, it really doesn't make the story any better. As we find out in the theatrical cut, the tattoo on Myer's wrist is that of Thorn. Further, Jamie has been held captive by this cult and has had a baby. Additionally, members of Laurie Strode's adopted family have moved into MICHAEL MYER'S HOUSE (this is also played on by the fact that none of these people are privy to the fact that Big Mike once lived there). Thorn is also a religious cult that controls Michael for the specific purposes of mass sacrifice. The significant changes are:

1) Loomis doesn't die at the end as portrayed in the theatrical cut. Instead, a strange sequence ensues, with Loomis being knocked out and awakening with the strange tattoo. It is revealed that he is now Michael's personal watchdog for the cult of Thorn.

2) The cloning subplot is thrown out.

3) Jamie Lloyd is not killed by Michael. Instead, Dr. Wynn (director of Smith's Grove Sanitarium and secret leader of Thorn) kills Jamie after she is taken to Haddonfield General. Of course, anyone who has seen Halloween 2 knows better than to be treated at this hospital. But, I guess Jamie didn't catch that film.

4) Michael had raped Jamie, producing the baby.

5) One of the Strodes who is killed by Michael has a slightly less gory death.

So, do all of these changes make the movie any better? No. In fact, it makes the movie even more confusing. Many people contest that the Producer's Cut is phenomenally better, but it really isn't. Further, the bootleg that has been circulating since the 90s is basically the theatrical cut re-edited with the original scenes. The quality is terrible. Do yourself a favor. If you're completing the collection, opt for the theatrical cut instead.

Scarecrows (1988) - Review - 10-17-10

2010-10-17T12:47:00.000-07:00

Scarecrows (1988). Starring Todd Vernon, Michael David Simms, and supposedly, the voice of "Mr. Wizard" Don Herbert as a radio announcer.

Three and a half stars.

With the glut of the various cult, slasher, and supernatural films that were released in the 1980s, there were many films that made their way to the video store market that were quickly forgotten in time. Films such as Pin, Razorback, The Pit, The Rejuvenator, or Forever Evil were often watched and tossed aside by most movie fans. In some cases, these films would later achieve reputations that would elevate them to cult status. Scarecrows is one of these films.

However, problems in acquiring this title persisted for years, due to the rareness of the VHS tapes that had once been readily available. Many bootleggers made a killing off of this film, due to the word of mouth surrounding it. Finally, MGM released a barebones DVD in late 2007 of this film. Many complaints were registered over the lack extras (as the DVD didn't even contain a trailer). Regardless, this release is excellent, with a spectacular widescreen transfer. This is reward enough, considering the obscurity of this piece.

The film begins with paramilitary robbers stealing the 3 million dollar Camp Pendleton payroll. They hijack a military plane with the aid of a hostage pilot and his daughter. However, before the gang can escape to Me-He-Co, one of the members named Bert sets off a grenade and parachutes into a cornfield with the loot. This understandably pisses off the other members who set down the plane and follow suit.

When the crew reaches the cornfield, they discover an overgrown cemetery with a nearby house and several ominous-looking scarecrows surrounding the vicinity. It is never fully explained, but the film implies that the previous tenants of this house had been involved in some kind of occult doings. Soon after, the scarecrows come to life to terrorize the group.

Scarecrows is a film that delivers in plot and gore. There is enough disembowelment and decapitation to put a Highlander film to shame. Definitely one of the few films where the whole atmosphere thing works, this film suffers from a couple of flaws. While many people think that the lack of explanation for the scarecrows in the film is akin to Romero's zombie causation tactics in Night of the Living Dead, I wish there could have been a little more explanation. I mean, who were the people who owned the house? Why were they practicing black magic? Why did this black magic use scarecrows? This is an issue that I will admit is subjective, though. The only other problem is the fact that the characters (this is including the pilot and the daughter) are somewhat disposable. It is really hard to identify with these people, as they are complete scumbags that deserve the fate they get at the hands of the scarecrows. Regardless, this film is a true gem and is one of the better examples of the killer scarecrow sub-genre.

I hope that someone eventually tracks down director William Wesley for an interview. I would like to see some additional information on this film, as carries a degree of mystery with it's production. Literally nothing is known about this film, and I think more knowledge should come to light for aesthetic purposes.

Candyman (1992) - Review - 07-28-10

2010-07-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

Candyman (1992). Starring Virginia Madsen, Xander Berkley, and Tony Todd as "Candyman."

Four Stars.

From the badass-Hitchcock inspired opening to the haunting score by Philip Glass, Candman is a unique horror film, arguably one of the best of the 1990s.

And that's just it: the 1990s was a weird decade for the horror genre. The early 90s produced some decent, solid horror films, such as Army of Darkness or The People Under the Stairs (which resonates many of the same racial undertones as Candyman), but it comes with its downside (can you say, "Witchboard: The Possession"). But after 1995, the only horror films that seemed to draw any water at all were the Kevin Williamson penned Scream movies (Wes Craven's selling out point). Why horror came to this point was unclear, as it seemed to enjoy moderate to high success from the late 60s until that point.

So the fact that a film like Candyman even existed at all in that decade is fascinating. At a time when everyone had been Jasoned, Freddyed, Myersed, or Pinheaded to death, this film came along as more than just a breath of fresh. A staggering commentary on racial issues of the era, director Bernard Rose takes an obscure, crappy Clive Barker short story called "The Forbidden," and turns it into a beautiful story invovling deep racial subtext and clashing urban cultures that serve as subordinates of a religious boogeyman. Tony Todd's Candyman is a deeply colorful figure that basks in the horrified tales of his existence that becomes the pagan idolotry of the piece. Virginia Madsen delivers what may be the strongest role of her career, as the grad student who is trying to write a thesis on the Candyman, who ends up getting more that she bargained for. Filmed in the long gone Cabrini Green housing complex in Chicago, the real locations and superb acting make this a modern day urban folklore tale in its own right. A must for any horror collectors library.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) - Review - 07-12-10

2010-07-12T09:29:00.000-07:00

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010). Staring Jackie Earle Haley, Kyle Gallner, and Rooney Mara.

One Star.

(SPOILERS)

Year ago, Drive-In critic Joe Bob Briggs was asked in an interview about his thoughts on the Platinum Dunes remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Paraphrased, Briggs stated that, "The original was done right the first time. Why interefere with a classic? If you are going to remake a horror film, remake one that was bad and make it better." I couldn't agree more. Which is why I went to see the remake of Elm Street at the Clark 54 Drive-In.

I have never been a big fan of the old Elm Street movies. Although they did have their moments. Robert Englund is, without a doubt, one of the most memorable villain players of all time. His rendition of Freddy Krueger is frightening, when applied correctly. And you have to cackle at some of the infamous one-liners Krueger, such as, "How's this for a wet dream!" from Nightmare IV. But guess what? That joke gets worked into this film as the worst possibly executed homage I've ever seen in a remake. But for everything that Robert Englund did for the old films, Jackie Earle Hayley makes up for by applying acting techniques he acquired from the Hayden Christiansen School of Acting. In other words, he sucks hog cocks.

Hayely's Freddy Krueger completely lacks the personality or charisma of the old Krueger. However, this could easily be accepted for a remake, provided the newer version adds something different to the character. However, Hayley fails miserably in this attempt. His portrayal is basically Freddy Krueger with the same outfit but looks like a burn victim version of Jim Carrey's Grinch. Furthermore, there's absolutely no menace to this Krueger whatsoever. His voice sounds like a sensitive version of Clint Eastwood in Any Which Way But Loose. As a viewer, I was dumbfounded as to how any of the characters could be scared of this half-assed boogeyman.

At the same time, I was hoping for brutal nasty deaths for the characters. In fact, we are treated to such with the first and only badass death in the whole movie. Since the first death occurs within the first five minutes of the film, we can only assume that this victim may have been the most likable character of the film. Really, he is without any backstory to indicate otherwise. All of the other characters are immediately unlikable, especially actress (Rooney Mara) who portrays the updated version of Heather Lagenkamp's character from the original film. There's absolutely nothing about any of these characters that makes me care about their quest to defeat the burn victim that lurks in the shadows. None, and I mean none of these characters have the slightest inkling of personality in their performances.

But what irriates me the most about this goddamned film is the fact that they try to trick our ass by making it look like Krueger might have been innocent. It was bad enough that Krueger's menace is undermined by his demotion of status from child murderer to child molester, but the film makers portray Krueger as a possible victim of false circumstances. This would have worked if they simply left as KRUEGER WAS INNOCENT! But, fuck no, the movie eventually drops the bombshell that Freddy was guilty as Hell when the protagonists discover his kiddie torture room. Bad remake, avoid like the plague if you love the old movies.

Mr. Boogedy - Review - 07-08-10

2010-07-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

Mr. Boogedy (1986). Starring Richard Masur, David Faustino, and Benji Gregory.

Four Stars.

In the early 1980s, Walt Disney Pictures and its subsidiaries attempted to break into the horror genre with two notable films. The first was The Watcher in The Woods with long time crazy-old-bag actress Bettie Davis. The story centered around a 40-year-old disappearance of a teenage girl in an abandoned church, which held serious supernatural implications. The other film, Something Wicked This Way Comes, starred Jason Robards as a cowardly author who faces off against a sinister carnival owner to save his town (based on the Ray Bradbury short story of the same name). Both of these films meet with catastrophic results at the box office.

However, the one entry that Disney found success with was on the small screen. In 1986, ABC's Magical World of Disney aired a family oriented horror-comedy that far surpassed Disney's previous efforts. This movie was about this jackass named Carleton Davis, who transplants his family in the middle of rural New England to open . . . and this is good . . . a gag gift store. If only this Rhodes Scholar would attempt a move like this in today's economy. But before the "fam" can get settled in their new house, they're greeted by a batshit transient, played by The Adams Family's John Astin. Astin rambles on about the house being haunted and how some soapscum-faced ghost named Mr. Boogedy is going to get them. Boogedy-boogedy-BOO! Yes, for people who were wondering, this movie is where the Family Guy writers stole that phrase.

Being the sensible person he is, Carleton dismissed the crackpot and attempts to settle family into the new home. While Carleton and his two boys, who are Bud Bundy and the ginger kid from ALF, waste time playing with gag props for the store, his daughter (played by a pre-Deadly Friend Kristy Swanson) is mauled and violated by Mr. Boogedy with vinyl stick-on foot prints. However, Carleton and his wife (Mimi Kennedy) continue to dismiss any hokum the girl insists is taking place. However, as more paranormal instances occur, the family discovers that Boogedy is the ghost of a 300-year-dead evil pilgrim, who is holding the child ghost of Boogedy's love interest hostage in the house. Of course, all of this leads to a showdown, with the family using the gags for their store to fight the ghost.

As corny as this movie sound, this is one of the best horror-comedies of all time! Despite the seemingly wholesome atmosphere set in this film, it is a must see for anyone around Halloween time. However, the regrettable aspect of this film is that in 2010, this movie has yet to released in a digital medium. In fact, I had to procure a bootleg of this film for review, due to the fact that I had not seen it since I was ten. It escapes me how Disney can pump millions of dollars in to promoting pre-teen sex idols, but can spare some change to do a base release of some of its older material that helped established the company's TV dominance. The absurdity of this is further exacerbated by the fact that the film and its sequel, Bride of Boogedy, has a rather large cult following. Even if you can only find a bootleg, this film is still worth having in your collection.

Babysitter Wanted - Review - 07-07-10

2010-07-06T21:11:00.000-07:00

Babysitter Wanted (2009). Starring Sarah Thompson, Matt Dallas, and Bill Mosely.

Two Stars.

So I rushed down to the local grocery store today, in hopes of procuring a copy of the Crazies remake with a freebie Redbox code I had received. To no avail, The Crazies has yet to be released on Redbox. So I was stuck choosing between the three-hundred Val Kilmer movies Redbox so readily supplies the public, and this movie, Babysitter Wanted.

Since Mia Farrow gave birth to the child of the Devil in 1968, many films have risen in its wake. Perhaps my favorite is the 1981 Omen sequel, The Final Conflict, with Sam Neill capturing the true evil of the Antichrist. The worst of which, however, could easily be the Schwarzneger helmed 1999 dog turd, End of Days. But since this premise has been done to death, what are aspiring film auteurs now implementing to freshen the son of the Devil sub-genre? The tried and true babbysitter-stalked-by-a-maniac plot. Yes, this movie gets all When a Stranger Calls on our ass, but lacks the subtle qualities of a Charles Durning to liven up the plot.

Sarah Thompson plays Angie, a Sister Mary-Catherine schoolgirl who is leaving home to attend a COMMUNITY COLLEGE hundreds of miles from her home-town, because it has such a great art history program. Between dealing with her pothead Goth roommate (this community college has dorms) and the ubiquitous dork that hits on her every five seconds, Angie finds a baby sitting job, located way out in the middle of Bumfuck, Egypt. Right off the bat, the recipe for teenie babysitter slaughter is thrown in the milieu. Furthermore, Angie is being stalked by a Tor Johnson impersonator, whose face looks like one of the lampshades from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. To top things off, Angie is charged with the care of a poster child for Adderall named Samuel, who constantly wears this ridiculous Cowboy Bob outfit.

However, things aren't what they seem. When the stalker enters the house to perform what the audience perceives to be heinous acts, we discover that the stalker is actually a priest. After Angie repeatedly attacks the stalker with a golf club, she accidently discovers that Samuel has horns. This leads the audience to believe that Samuel could be the son of the Satan (or the result of his mother making goat porn). But before Angie can make like a tree and leave, the parents come home and subdue Angie, paving way for the rest of the movie.

Babysitter Wanted definitely has a lot of strong points and could easily have been the best low budget horror movie I've seen in years. With a strong score and superb camera work, this first time effort by Jonas Barnes has its merits. However, it suffers from a muddled plot and an extremely confusing ending. For instance, the priest was shown to be following Angie long before she took the babysitting gig. Additionally, although the film implies that Samuel is some sort of demon, but he uses no supernatural powers whatsoever. Also, veteran horror actor Bill Mosely was grossly miscast as the bumbling sheriff, when he was better suited to play Samuel's sinister father. Lastly, the plot picks up rather quickly, seeming very rushed halfway through the film (for instance, the scenes invovling Samuel's dad procuring dinner for his son). All of these things hurt what could have been an otherwise notably effort. Babysitter Wanted is good for wasting time on a dull afternoon, but is not recommended for purchase.